These aren't always the easiest of days still. Just when you think you are over it, that you SHOULD BE over all this by now, a wave of it overtakes you and knocks you down with its strength. And it feels like square one...but it's not really. You realize that these waves over and over have somehow made you stronger in the getting back up, they might take your breath from you, but you know now, how to keep from going under and make it back once again. Certain that this will forever change you, but this, it will not be forever.....
You circle round and grip tightly before I can even realize at times. And you settle in. Unmoving. And I realize your coming and going is a process. It peels back a layer or two each time we come face to face. Eye to eye. Because I'm not afraid much anymore. Of you, of your coming. Because you go. You cannot stay when I turn it over, let the tears fall, scream my whys until my voice is a whisper. Sometimes you are heavy and you threaten to overtake me. But I have learned the remedy. Each time I stretch out my hand, each time I give what it is I need to hear myself. Pressing the seeds of hope deep into places that seem void of any hope, but that void is just the preparation to hold what will be.
Thankful.
#letterstogrief
Very deep and thought-provoking words. Thank you for sharing this part of your story, and for linking up your letter. Grace and strength to you in the rest of the journey.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kate. That means so much.
Delete