Sunday

I had lost my words and whatever I imagined this advent to be in a sea of despair.  And it hit hard.  And I just went right back to bed.  I know that sometimes the breaking comes to show us things.  And I know that breaking can lay me flat.  And so I let it.  I stopped fighting and let it overtake me.  Sometimes getting back up and putting one foot in front of the other is your calling for the day.  It's your best yes.  And so it was mine. I had gifts to buy for children who have such a need that my own have never experienced.  I had food to buy for the family I have around me and the honor of caring for them, feeding them and loving them.  And I let thoses truths surround me, pull me back in and change my perspective.  I let the reality of what I think I need show itself for what it really is.  Nothing can fill the hole He placed in us that was made for Him and Him alone.  He makes a house a home.  His presences is the Giver of life.  If you gain it all and don't have love then what?  Then what...... I breathed a prayer of thanks for a Father that gives His hard-headed daughter far reaching grace when she needs to learn some things the hard way.....once again.  When experience is the best teacher, the best reminder.  And I am never too far gone.  And He does make His path abundantly clear.  Not the journey, but the path.  He pulls me away into the silence, into the quiet to let me feel the full weight of my choices.  So I can't hide from what He is speaking behind busy or other things.  So I can come face to face with what I already know. With what He has already spoken to me a thousand times.  And He will do it again.  Thankful.