Reading back through the pages I had journaled on Sunday, I read something that made my breath catch. It was such a reminder to me how much God is changing my view, my perception of things, even when I feel like I am just sitting here, going round and round the same circle.
"I uttered such a simple and heartfelt conversation". Conversation. I was speaking of praying about an issue. And How He heard. And how He answered almost immediately. But what I am seeing in the whole scenario is that first, I had a conversation with God. I spoke to Him and then I listened. Because I can pray all the prayers I want, but how many answers might I miss if I don't then in turn give Him a chance to answer me. Maybe some answers come in the form of a burning bush. But I think more often, they come in the form of the quietest whisper.
I had been extremely quiet and still in the moments before I needed to pray. That place where you are wide open and there is very little separation between Heaven and earth. And the moment came, and I had my conversation with God and He answered. First in the stillness, in the quiet came my directive. Be still. And then He acted and swiftly at that. And I think I stood wide eyed and silenced by my own shock for a few minutes. A lesson learned.
A very wise woman told me, oh so long ago, when I first began on this journey of mine..."seek not so much to be understood, but more to understand". I had very little inkling as to what God meant by that way back then. But that statement she slipped to me on a piece of paper in church one Sunday has stuck with me for over 14 years.
I believe this holds true in our relationships, but especially in our relationship with God. I spend so much time trying to get Him to understand what I am saying or where I am coming from when...hello.....He created me! He knows my thoughts and words before I ever utter them. So my conversations with Him should be so much less of me and so much more of Him. Listening. Because our heart cries out to Him continually. The Holy Spirit in us beseeches Him on our behalf with utterances and groanings we cannot even understand. But He can. He does. And this drives me to a place where I have never been.....but that's not such a bad thing. And that's not such an uncommon theme in this journey of mine.