Friday, April 19, 2013

In The Mourning

"And the depth to which you have grieved losses, shows Me your ability to embrace the joy that is coming". 

My sweet online friend Christine wrote a blog post about What Would Jesus Say To You ?
The statement above really stuck with me.  It makes me does our ability to grieve, to mourn, tie in with our ability to love?  I would have to say over the past year my ability for both have been stretched much further than I ever dreamed possible.  Can one be stretched without the other?  Does the ability and the depth of the way we love change when we have deep times of mourning?

For me, I believe the answer is yes.  This grief over the loss I have experienced has changed me in ways that I never expected and it brought me face to face with the love that God has for me tangibly.  I am thankful for things is such a different way.  Things I took for granted before, oh, would be such a joyous thing today.  I have learned that in order to be able to receive the things you most desire, you have to be able to give them first.  Love, compassion, friendship, gratitude, forgiveness, understanding....all these things I desperately needed.  There is something in giving when you yourself are face down in your own pain and grief that changes you.  Forever.  It brings life, the act of giving what you yourself need, brings about a healing inside of you.  Because you don't have anything to give.  And when you are down to nothing, anything He asks you to give has to come straight from Him.  And when that happens, the one who receives is blessed, but the one who gives....changes.  You cannot have God work through you and not be changed.  His very life force etches itself into your being and you are never the same.  Deep wells are filled, wounds are flooded with such amazing rivers of grace and mercy.  That is where the healing comes.  That is where the soul and spirit cry out to God. That is where He changes everything.

And so this stretching...most days it feels like it might be here to stay, like it has settled in like a constant companion that I fear may never leave.  But I know in my heart it's not so.  God promised.  And this stretching to push past the fear and the pain, I pray, pushes me closer to Him.  Closer to His love and more able to receive what is

Psalm 30:5

The Voice (VOICE)
5 His wrath, you see, is fleeting,
but His grace lasts a lifetime.
The deepest pains may linger through the night,
but joy greets the soul with the smile of morning.

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