The Beauty In The After

Romans 8:18

¹⁸ Now I’m sure of this: the sufferings we endure now are not even worth comparing to the glory that is coming and will be revealed in us.

I was watching a show on television yesterday.  Something I have not really done much of in the past year and a half....but as my life settles, as He moves me back into the routines and the day to day things, they come more and more without grief and without hurt.  There was a time only a few months ago that I couldn't turn the TV on.  It caused me pain.  Anything that reminded me of what was....well, it was just too much to think about.  But as the healing comes, so do those parts of me that still make me who I was, mixed in with who I am today. 

I watched a program I had seen a while ago, before life changed so drastically.  And my perceptions of it seem to have changed too.  I watched the situation unfold, and the struggle, and I thought to myself, wow, how blessed they are even in this trial.  It wasn't that what they were facing was something small or ordinary.  It wasn't.  It was heart wrenching and painful.  But the manner in which they were able to go through it, well, they are really blessed...and I found myself thinking, how fortunate they are....then I heard God whisper... so are you Baby Girl....

He's so right.  How fortunate I am.  As much as this season in my life leveled all that I knew, so much beauty has come from it.  And quite honestly, as hard as this journey has been, how fortunate I am.  I have never known a time where there wasn't a roof over my head, when I wondered how I would feed my children or truly had to worry about how I would paid the bills....not really.  He surrounded me with the support I needed to do all that He would ask of me.  When I stop and look, it seems to me, that the harder the task He sets before us, the more amazing the grace that preceeds it.....when we follow Him, when we will let Him lead, when we will just let go and let Him have His way. 

I'll say it again, even if it's still tender in so many places, I am truly fortunate.  He never gave up on me.  He didn't quit pursuing me.  He sought only to have my heart.  And He was not going to stop until He had it, but you see, He would never just take it.  He never does.  He waited until I would hand it over to Him, willingly, without hesitation. Thankful.