The Weight Of Our Prayers

I have been reading a book lately....why now? I can't exactly say.  But He brought it across my path in this time and this season.  As I have been reading, one particular section struck me.  It spoke of transformational change.  It is a change that destroys.  Because the old has to be destroyed, made to die, before God can replace it with new.  And so when I was reading and the author spoke of Lamentations 3:16, I decided to read that verse more indepth...and then I did something I'm not quite sure I had any idea what the ramifications would be...I said,  Lord, I want a Lamentations 3:16 change.  So I'm praying for You to work that in my life.....yeah...bottom.fell.out. people.  But I knew what it was, and I know what He's asking and I want that change.  I need that change.  I just can't go back to the way things were before.  So my only option is forward.  And this breaking.... and it has been  ground leveling..... has exposed weaknesses that I had not looked at in a while, that I had somehow managed to avoid quite well.  But He doesn't want that.  He wants us to look at it and be able to say, no thank you, I know the cost of that is way too high and it's not who I am.  Sometimes we have to be crushed by the weight of things to know the healing that He wants to bring.  And so it has left me raw and broken and brusied....but also more humbled, more dependant and more accepting that I need Him.  Everyday.  No exceptions.  Because what I am learning most of all is that seperation from Him, even for a day, is something that isn't acceptible for me anymore.  It's not enough.  I'm not enough, until He is the one who is leading.  Thankful.