Friday, October 30, 2015

Day 30 - Goodbyes

I'm not sad to see this month go. It's brought much change. Not all of it had been easy, but all of it good. I feel a day one coming and I'm so ready for it. Shedding this weight of the past that has hung on for far too long. Today was the day I came home and wondered what next? I did what You asked and it did not happen like I thought it would. In fact, it was worse than I ever imagined. Why did You want me to do this Lord? I sure didn't get it. Part of me still doesn't. But perhaps I would not be where I am today without that journey. And I have peace about it. I've been battling lots of emotion coming up on this day. Lots of remembering perhaps I couldn't have managed until now. And it feels ugly. And I have to use all I know to hold those feelings in check. There is a balance between letting go and letting things take over. My feelings are valid. My reactions however, need to be filtered through prayer. There is a relief in the letting go. Relief in the old passing away and the new coming to light. I can breathe this year. I am seeing Gods goodness. Not that I haven't always, but closure is a goodness all its own. Thankful. 

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