Saturday, August 24, 2013

We Are Known

Joel 2:21-25

New Living Translation (NLT)
21 Don’t be afraid, my people.
Be glad now and rejoice,
for the Lord has done great things.
22 Don’t be afraid, you animals of the field,
for the wilderness pastures will soon be green.
The trees will again be filled with fruit;
fig trees and grapevines will be loaded down once more.
23 Rejoice, you people of Jerusalem!
Rejoice in the Lord your God!
For the rain he sends demonstrates his faithfulness.
Once more the autumn rains will come,
as well as the rains of spring.
24 The threshing floors will again be piled high with grain,
and the presses will overflow with new wine and olive oil.
25 The Lord says, “I will give you back what you lost
to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts,
the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts.[a]
It was I who sent this great destroying army against you.

This time frame, this window of days, this holds great memory of what has been...and I believe what will be coming. 2 years ago, God opened up a door that I could never imagine, all the while, a door was also shutting that I would never believe could happen. One would sustain me through the other. I felt it. As far away as I was from God at the time, I felt it in my very bones. He was calling me back and I could not escape it. I had to face Him, had to choose.  My soul was grieved and I would escape up to the very top floor of the pool house where no one could hear and just weep. I would beg God....PLEASE, do something, anything...I don't know what, but this, I can't take this anymore.....He heard my cries. And He moved. And I learned very quickly that God's ways are not my ways. I wanted a band aid for a gaping, life threatening wound. He would have none of that. It's not the way He operates.

Last year found me bracing for what I knew I couldn't bear to face emotionally. He had other plans then too. It's when He opened up the door for healing to begin. What I have come to learn is that the healing is actually the hardest part. It is painful, things tug and pull and stretch and itch and HURT!!! And the wounds are ugly, nothing pretty to look at and you might begin to wonder if this was even worth almost feels worse than before.

But as you push through, do the hard work, something amazing begins to happen. New growth, the scars are there, but the become soft and translucent and pliable. Sure you can see them when you look hard. They are a part of you, but they are stronger and a reminder of something you came through. They fade. Always with you, but not defining you. You learn from them, from the experience.

In the middle of my hardest days, my body and soul both showing the desperate state I was in, I left my phone in the bathroom at Target. Now depending on how long you have known me, this is where you would smile....because God speaks to me in bathrooms :) Many life changing moments have occurred in that space. This day would proved to be a not so ordinary day. I had no idea I left it there until I returned there before leaving....and I saw it. And I whispered a prayer of thanks to Him for keeping an eye on His frazzled baby girl...and then He spoke.....and it echoed through my very being. I will restore the years the locusts have eaten.....Joel 2:25. Months later....facing yet another horrible twist, I came across a blog that would change everything :) My sweet friend Christine and her blog

And so I find myself at this time yet again. 2 years. That seems like a lifetime to me. So much has changed.  Nothing left untouched.  And the scars are healing, movement is becoming less scary and I find myself less resistant.  I know the beauty that can come, will come, when He is done with His refining of a life that so desperately needed to be rescued.  For this season, for His glory, for the girl He has created me to be.  And so here I go again, walking through a door as another one slowly closes behind me.  And I won't look back.  Thankful.

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