Saturday, May 11, 2013

Try, Try Again.....

Proverbs 3:5-6

Good News Translation (GNT)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. 6 Remember the Lord in everything you do, and he will show you the right way.

This verse is pretty much a staple for me.  It's my fear.  It's my need to control.  So He reminds me.  My course this past semester was Logic.  Logic.  What was I thinking.....I knew absolutely nothing about this course.  But it was the one thing that would count towards my major that I could take and that was available online and that is what I needed.  12 weeks.  I could do this.  Then I tried to read my chapters.  And I started to panic.  It was like me trying to read words that I knew but that did not fit together.  Then add in fallacies and truth tables and You Tube videos on premises and conclusions and OOOHHHHH....what have I just done?  But I knew this was the class He wanted me to take.  I had complete peace about it. Trust. 
My teacher was fabulous.  She was very straightforward.  Read this, answer this and write this.  Perfect.  I made a 65 on my first test.  My first test, I usually fail or do poorly life and in class.....this is not a surprise to me.  So now I know where my weaknesses are and how I need to adjust.  I can do this.  I didn't check my grade once all semester.  First time ever.  I had no desire to see how bad I was bombing. 
So as time went on, the second test came and we did not get to review it, things were becoming harder and making less sense, I was giving up.  It's not sooooo bad if I fail huh? (whatever!!!).  Jes gave me a pep talk.  "Come on mom, you have to do your best and I hope you are doing your extra credit".  UUUGGGHHH! Why?!?! WHY do they repeat everything I taught them at the most inopportune times???  I sat here at my kitchen counter.  Saturday night.  3 weeks left of class.  3 extra credits staring me in the face.  Crossword puzzles.  This is a nightmare right? So after an hour and a half, and still only half way through the first one I said forget it!  If I fail, I fail. I quit.  I went to mop the floor (cleaning helps me think...that's a whole nother' story).  And God kept pressing me.  Try one more time.....NO!!! I will not.  I wasted a whole Saturday night and I'm tired and this is dumb.....Try one more time baby girl.....fine. I'm gonna try.  I'm not gonna quit.  I'll sit here until 11:55 pm, until the last minute I can submit this and do the very best I can, but You HAVE to help me.  This makes no sense!  I don't understand and I have no way to do this.  I cannot do this alone!!!
And so I prayed.  Over every single question.  And He helped me find the answer in my every single question.  And I even did an extra credit that was past the submission date...just in case she had pity on me...all in one hour.  One hour.
So when time came for my exam, I procrastinated.  Yikes.  What if I fail?!??  Okay Lord, let's do this again.  26 questions.  You and me.  HELP!!!! Every step I prayed.  Every question I submitted to Him.  And He led me.  And I got a 100%.  And that is a miracle.  The other miracle was that I checked my transcript online to see my grade.  I could live with a C.  I would pass and a credit is a credit right??  I received an A for the class.  An "A".  Obey. Trust. Pray.  Let Him Lead.

All that to say, when I was having a moment last night, telling Him how done I am and PLEASE lets just move on....I surrender!!  DONE!!  He said again.....Try one more time......Bust out the Proverbs I go....

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