What If

I'm not sure why the peace, the quiet....at times make me feel like something is amiss.  So as I sit reading, eating special soup from my sister who loves me because she is worried about my cold, but also trying to make sure she nourishes my heart along with my body....I start to wonder what if..

This is where it can get ugly faster than these Reese's Pieces are disappearing....perfectly fine when you aren't feeling well I assure you....but what if, I'm still here, right now, in this place because He covets this time with me? This constant conversation we have....what if He would miss me waking up in the middle of the night and talking to Him because He is the one who rests beside me? What if.....He's saying I treasure this because you aren't distracted, aren't putting things and people and situations ahead of me for once.....

I tell Him so many times as I wake up..It's You and me today Lord, You and me, don't leave.  Stay with me.  What if sooner than later my heart will be moved by another and I will have to find the right balance yet again....What if He's holding me like we hold our little ones just a little while longer before we put them down in the crib to sleep, hold their hand a little longer as we walk or keep them home from school just a little late so we can spend some time with them on the drive to school.  Just because we love them and treasure that time when it's just us and them before the rest of the world moves in and we have to fight for our space in their hearts and thoughts.

So today I'm just letting my mind wander the other way...not feeling punished, or cast aside or forgotten....but loved and treasured and cherished.  A special gift to the One who loves me always.